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Footballers so often lead the way when it comes to fashion,
especially haircuts, but sometimes even they get it completely wrong. Just because something was trendy at the time doesn’t mean you should jump on the bandwagon, we learned that in England with the perm in the 1970s and the mullet in the 1980s. Some haircuts are simply unforgivable.
We’re bringing you a selection of haircuts that either never stood the test of time or should never have been attempted in the first place. Some of these haircuts you will remember all too well and others you will be exposed to for the very first time and we are deeply sorry if that is the case. Your eyes will never be able to unsee what is about to be heading your way, so those of you of a nervous disposition should look away now!
Kevin Kampl
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Kevin has sported some bizarre haircuts over the years but anyone who chooses to look like a Jedward wannabe deserves to be on this list. At one state Kampl added some red dye to the middle of his already died blonde hair and guess what?it didn’t look any better!
Barry Venison
Barry Venison played for Liverpool and Newcastle during the early years of the Premier League but he received so much flack for that messy mullet that he ended up moving to Galatasaray, well that’s what we’re assuming anyway.
Marouane Chamakh
When you are clearly losing your hair at the front, what do you do? Grow it long at the back and spike it on the top… NO CHAMAKH! You cut it short or shave it all off. The Moroccan’s terrible choice in hairstyle was only overshadowed by his dier performances in the Premier League that produced 15-goals in 103 appearances for Arsenal, West Ham and Crystal Palace.
Taribo West
Many enjoyed the site of Taribo West’s dyed dreadlocks but tying them up in Princess Leia style buns and letting them drop out at the back just looks ridiculous. It doesn’t matter how good of a footballer you are, if your haircut is crazy then that is what you will most be remembered for, jsut ask Carlos Valderama.
Giovanni Simeone
What can you say about this weird attempt to look like a monk. Simeone decided to shave the hair off the top of his head, leave in nice and thick on the sides and keep a small ponytail at the back. He looks like he had a fight with a pair of hedge cutters and it got broken up halfway through!
Ronaldo
It is hard to criticise a player’s haircut when in the very same tournament he decided to shave everything bar a triangle at the front of his forehead he goes on to score 8-goals in the World Cup and win the damn thing. Ronaldo got rid of the triangle patch after the 2002 World Cup and later revealed that he only sported that haircut to take the media’s attention away from his groin injury. Well, it certainly did the trick.
Jason Lee
Old pineapple head, Jason Lee makes the list. Some of us of a certain age will remember Lee sporting his dreadlocks in the form of a pineapple on the top of his head for Nottingham Forest in the Premier League. Lee admitted that he got so much stick for this haircut hat it affected his game… or maybe you just weren’t Premier League quality Jason.
Gervinho
Sometimes you have to admit your hair is receding and that you are going bald. When that time comes you have to own it… or if you are Gervinho you stick a massive headbang around it to hold what is left of your hair in place, thinking that you have tricked us all… you’re only conning yourself, my friend.
David Seaman
Some people call it iconic but that is probably only down to the fact that David Seaman won trophies sporting that ridiculous ponytail. If his name didn’t already conjure up images of a 1970s adult film star, his long ponytail and matching moustache certainly did the trick.
Rodrigo Palacio
When your hairstyle is commonly described as ‘the rat tail’ you know you should be doing something about it. Rodrigo Palacio grew out a very thin ponytail on the back of his head whilst shaving the rest of his. The most annoying thing about this ponytail isn’t the length or just how unkempt in looks, it’s the fact that it doesn’t sit in the middle of his head, why grow it slightly to the right??
David Beckham
Becks is no doubt the biggest trend-setter in this list, but even the footballer, turned model, turned chairman got it wrong at least once in his career. The cornrows…. nowadays, if Beckham had sported that haircut he would probably be singled out for cultural appropriation but back then we all let him know that he simply looked ridiculous. Andy Carroll would trythe same thing years later with equally disastrous results.
Abel Xavier
The absolute, undoubted, supreme king of the terrible haircuts can be none other than Abel Xavier. I remember him going blonde during his time at Everton and I thought it couldn’t get any worse. However, moves to Liverpool and LA Galaxy would see the Portuguese international progressively make that hairstyle even more outrageous to the point that he became a caricature of himself.
What have we learned?
Footballers have proven through the decades that they will sport whatever haircut they think looks cool at that moment in time, no matter how much they will probably regret it in the long run when they look back on their careers surrounded by friends and family. My final conclusion is that footballers will never learn. Trends and fads outweigh common sense when it comes to footballers and their haircuts and while we enjoy mocking them for this, we can’t wait to see what the next crazy cut will be.
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